i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
