Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
