I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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