He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
