I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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