I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
