I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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