The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
