Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
