I feel great
I just peed on a car
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
