They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
