You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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