Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
