Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
