Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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