Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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