Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I intend to get homeless drunk
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
