Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
