My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
