weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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