1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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