dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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