If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
