I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
