Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
