she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
