$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
