I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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