dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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