If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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