And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my shit smells like andre
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
