Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
