I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
