booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
