we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
