we have pet lesbian snakes
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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