Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
