I will die if light touches me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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