Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Randomize
