garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Your penis caused this!
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