My sheets look like a crime scene.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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