Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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