So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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