hotel room ftw
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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