tonight lets celebrate not being married
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
