the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
