i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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