of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Let's get the cat blown out
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
