i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
only you would photoshop your dick
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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