We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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