lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
