I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
