I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
