Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
