My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
